An Open Letter to Mom ~

The fragrant scent of these roses cover me in thoughts of Mom and Dad,

me the child, their child.

These three roses are from the bush Dad bought

and planted for me twenty-six years ago.

I thought it would be a fitting photo in memory of you both.

Do you remember their strong beautiful fragrance?

~

It was Mother's Day last year, your last breath as I held your tiny hand.

365 days and I'm still in a bit of disbelief that your really gone.

How I miss that little hand.

I so thought you would be returning here with me to recover, 

I still shake my head over how it all played out.

God had other plans.

I'm very thankful our last words spoken to each other were,

"I love you".

You adding, " I really do" to yours.

I suppose it's natural to feel it's never enough, 

 wanting the chance to say all that is on ones heart.
 The stuff you think of after the fact.

I know that I wish I'd said more to you,

 knowing it would never have been enough.

I take such comfort that you are in heaven with Dad, 

I can't imagine the joy and peace you now have.

I would never want you to leave that to be with us again,

but I miss you......

I love that I will be with you again,
 on the day God chooses me......

Much to my surprise our little Khloe, 

(whom I'm so glad was a part of your life for 10 months)

reminds me daily that you are still with me. 

I can't tell you how many people tell me how much she reminds them of you :-)  

Many of her expressions, her walk, her smile, her spunk and her love of fun are so you.

She even has your attitude and strong willed personality when she feels it's required :-)

Like you, she too makes friends wherever she goes.

You two would have made quite the pair to say the least!!

She loves me, like you did,

 just as I am.

Having her with me allows me to feel that you are still a part of my everyday.

It helps me more than anyone can imagine.

~

I remember a conversation with you when I was a young teen,

 asking you how long it took you to get over the pain of losing Grandma. 

Your response,

" not a day goes by that I don't think of my Mom and wish she were here". 

I have replayed that conversation so many times in the last year.

~

The family reunion is this summer in Montana, 

I just can't begin to imagine you not being there.

I find my heart clinging to Aunt Wilma and Aunt Marguerite, 

the last of Grandma's (Goldie Herndon's) children.

What  an incrediable family you, and therefore I, were born into.

I count myself as very, very lucky..

 very thankful God chose me to be a part of it.

Few people can say they were a part of such a family.

We were all for sure blessed!

I carry you and Dad in my heart always.

Often closing my eyes remembering life with
 you both
here with us,

wishing it to be real.

It seems as though this longing for you will never end.

~

You gave me life, you were the Mom,

my Mom.

****************************************************

Mom, 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were here.

I love you so, I really do..... 

~

You will echo from my heart everyday .