Thursday, August 13, 2015

Marriages In Crisis ~

First a disclaimer, my intent is not to be insensitive to any who have divorced,
in fact I am one of you. For me it was a decision about in selfish.
It took me years to realize that about myself, and I know I wouldn't have thought
so at the time if someone suggested it was the case.
I am not saying that this is always the case so please don't take this as such.
It is however, more common than not.....

I have seen more times then I care to count in life,
how vulnerable those who struggle with marriage are
to the deceivers that will fill them with lies.
When marriages are in crisis, the weak are the most vulnerable to deception from another.
All it takes is for a willing listener (many times from the opposite sex),
and it's most assuredly a guarantee they will tell you every thing you want to hear.
The same one who don't want you in their future, but are using you for the now.....
These types of people don't want your baggage, your children etc....
They will likely agree with your frustration in your marriage, they will likely even help you 
justify why you should leave.

There are also, so called friends that will also encourage you to walk away.
I will be the friend to encourage you to stand by your vows.
I have learned so much about the importance of vows, the hard way.
....and after hurting many in the process.

I can tell you this, those who encourage you to walk away from a marriage are not with you down the road as you attempt to do this alone.
 When you need emotional support, help with children, finances etc...
I find it oddly ironic those same people wouldn't walk away from their spouses in a similar situation.
It's always so easy to say they would, when it's not their family being torn apart.
Men (or women) who flatter and deceive you while you are in a tough time of your marriage....
are not the men (or women) who have a vested interest in you and your children....
they tolerate them at best and generally not for long.

(Obviously, this is not always the case.)

Too often divorce is selfish...
often it's only one of the parties wanting it.
Children never get a vote.
How sad is that, they never have a voice in regard
to the family, they didn't have a voice of becoming a part of in the first place.
We choose to create the family with them..
only to take them away from it :-(
Children of divorce are affected in so many ways....
What we should want is our children to see grown adults,
choosing to fight for their families.
If a family with faith in God,what an opportunity to show your children
what God can do to restore a marriage!

Because, families matter.
You be the parent that never quit,
it will mean something to your children down the road.....

 I highly recommend a book called, The Divorce Culture.
I sincerely  believe I never would have divorced if I had read this book.
The main reason being,  it really spells out how selfish the choice to divorce
generally is and how it really does affect our children.
As a Mother I never could have moved forward had I known just how
much they would miss,  how much they would have to deal with, how I took
away there vote! 

Often marriages go through really tough's a matter of not quitting during that time.
That is what makes for a stronger marriage,
 making it through the hard.....
a marriage
when nobody quits. 

It echos from my heart today..


  1. True words. We have stood with a few couples who made the choice not to end their marriage in very hard situations like adultery, alcoholism, etc. It's not easy but worth it. There are those cases where staying is not the answer.

  2. I regret to this day, that we divorced 30 years ago. Although we are friends, and our children were older, it still has messed up their lives, I can see that. Great post!!!

  3. Such a good and smart word, Debi. I'm thankful for bold ladies like you that will speak the truth and encourage others to try harder at something that's worth saving. Blessings-Kimberly

  4. Such a good post, Debi, as always. I've been divorced twice; the fist one was entirely my fault because I had done something I didn't think I'd be forgiven. The second marriage was my fault also because I should have known better. I had my daughter; she wa13 at the time; he had two daughters around the same age. He didn't pay child support to their mother (I didn't know this ahead of time), so I paid it to her out of my own money. The hard part came not too long after the marriage, though. He was jealous of my relationship with my daughter which proved to be a disaster. Well, enough said; like you perhaps had I read that book, things would be different now.

    I hope your back is better now, and you're not in pain.

  5. Well, what great words of wisdom and nothing like hearing them from one who knows. Divorce is rampant today, it seems it's the easy way out. I was raised by parents that taught me that marriage is forever. It has certainly not always been easy but we have hung in there through thick and thin and the Lord has definitely blessed our efforts for 44 years. Great post Debi!

  6. I have walked through this painful journey with many. You shared some profound and heartfelt words from your heart. Thank you! I am most thankful for a God of Grace and Mercy, who in His way, helps life to go on despite it all.

  7. Missing you!

    Hope all is well, my friend.