Consequences they stem from our choices,
and
are a part of life.
In our youth we believe to some degree we are invincible.
We can drive fast, while talking to our friends
knowing with almost certainty
accidents only happen to someone else.
Not me.
We can give our trust to a total stranger,
knowing with almost certainty
bad things happen to other girls.
Not me.
There is a choice of intimacy or not,
and therefore
the risk of pregnancy....
It'll never happen to me...
Alcohol usage,
I would never be the drunk driver.
I would never end up an alcoholic.
I would never end up with liver damage.
It would never cost me my job or family.
Those things happen to those without self control...
Not me.
Drug use.
It won't lead to stronger stuff.
I'm smarter than that.
Weak people end up addicts....
other people, not me....
Cigarette smoking.
Lots of people end up with lung cancer.
It won't happen to me, I'll quit first.
Emphysema, that happens to old people who
smoked their entire lives....
Oh, the lies we will tell ourselves in order to do whatever
it is we want do...
Interesting that we can convince ourselves that whatever that
negative consequence is, it won't happen to us.
Where does that false security come from?
Why wouldn't it happen to me?
A form of Russian roulette,
dodging that bullet
for the better part of life,
or so you thought.
So, it was in 2000 that I was finding myself a little short of breath.
Test results determined very early stages of emphysema.
(well that can't be right....)
Stupid or what?
I take the inhaler and a month later feel fine.
I put it out of my mind...(I don't know how)
Very early = hardly any, very little, no big deal?
It won't get me....
I continued to smoke until Dec.6th of 2007.
~
The only thing my sweet Dad ever asked of me, was that I quit smoking.
He asked me many times.
I finally decided that this man who had given me much,
never asking a thing in return....had but one request of his
child.....I quit.
I chose Dec. 6th, 2007 because it was his birthday.
I knew it would be a great gift to him.
I also knew, I could never take that gift back from him..
.....therefore
I would never start again.
My Dad died in June of 2008 so he never knew I made it a year.
I did know it made him very happy that I quit.
Now, I'm going on six years.
In late 2011 I developed a cold,
the same one everyone else had.
It turned into a cough that was lasting
many people a month or so.
My chest began to feel as though someone where sitting on it.
The cough continued...
My Mom was concerned, she kept telling me I needed to get it checked out.
I would, once Mom is feeling better, once her surgery is over.
Once I wasn't afraid to hear bad news....
I went to the Doctor a couple months after Mom died.
Emphysema stage 3 of 4.
Me?
How is this possible, me?
That doesn't happen to me!
Days later I recalled the appointment in 2000, I had somehow
found a way to put it completely out of my mind.
It's been eleven years.
I'm sure that sounds crazy to you, but
the fact remains, I put it out of my mind.
It was never real to me until 2011
It was Me, it had happened to me,
not somebody else.
It's happened to me.
Not someone else,
me.
I'm stressing this in hopes that whatever it is you may think
your going to avoid because it "happens to someone else"
think again.
I so regret that I foolishly continued to smoke after the
appointment in 2000.
Really, who was I kidding that this would never happen to me?
What would cause me to believe such a thing?
I'm 57 years old.
I'm on three inhalers and two medications.
If I catch the common cold or flu,
its a big deal.
I can no longer enjoy a campfire with my friends or family.
I can no longer burn wood in my fireplace.
I can no longer be outdoors while a barbeque is burning.
I can no longer burn scented candles.
Consequences.
The commercials you see for COPD
(emphysema is one of its many forms)
are very accurate.
It really does feel as though an elephant is sitting on your chest, making it
very difficult to move air in and out of your lungs.
Consequences....
It will never get better.
It will only get worse.
There is no cure.
Consequences...
From, it won't happen to me,
to
it happened to me.
Me!
I'm sorry for my children who always wanted me to quit.
~
It happened to me.
So now,
it's why I treasure each day in this life.
It's why being around my family is more important than ever.
It's why I can't get enough time in with my grand children,
it's never going to be enough. :-)
It's why I hang on a little girl's every word, every time I'm with her.
It's why I want to make memories every chance I get.
It may sound odd but,
my life is fuller now.
Those around me are recognized at their full value.
The good in each is clearer than before.
I want to make each day count...
The number of blessings in my life are through the roof!
Very possible they were there prior and somehow had gone unnoticed.
This is the new
Me.
None of us know how long we will be here.
We just need to be aware, it could be "me".
If we really lived our lives as though each day could be our last,
how much more joy we would get out of it and those around us?
Few blessings go unnoticed,
imagine ~
I've decided to share about my health for a couple reasons.
First and foremost, the more people I have praying the better.
I do believe in miracles, all the while knowing that may not be God's plan for me.
Second, I'm hopeful someone will read this that thinks "it" won't happen to them.
Lastly,
I write because it's a form of expression that works best for me.
If I want to be truthful about all that, echos from my heart,
and it's through my own words I process my thoughts,
well, to do so I needed to fill you in.
I debated for sometime rather to share this or not.
It's a part of my life now,
therefore will be a part of what and why I write on a given topic.
Though I appreciate prayers,
it's my consequence,
and
I intend on making the very best of
it...my own beauty for ashes story.
Isaiah 61:3
........to bestow on them
a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the
oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a
spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting
of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
~
Thankful for my ability to write my simple little blog.
Thankful for
the readers eyes who may relate from time to time.
Thankful I know for certain,
whatever "it" is....it could happen to me.
It's a daily process this consequence of mine...
I won't kid you, sometimes it's hard.
Mostly,
I'm just so thankful, for so much!!!
Me!
A new season of life is what echos from my heart today....
