Siblings....

Siblings....we all come from the same mold yet in many ways we are so different.  Long before my eldest sister and I finally had a relationship I was wondering why it was we didn't ?  Growing up we were in very different places socially, we lived our lives very different from one another.  I seemed to me she always had a plan for her life and was ready to work towards it and to get to it.  I on the other hand lived for the moment, the day, the most current of events going on around me.  As far as my future, all I knew for sure was that I wanted to be a wife and a mother. My focus was not on the future....I would deal with that once I was done being a kid, a teen.

It occurred to me around 2006 0r 2007 that my sister an I didn't really know each other at all.  We knew the people we were when we lived at home with Mom and Dad, as well as maybe the next 4 or so years that followed.  Beyond that we saw each other at family gatherings.  She did live on the east coast for nine years and we weren't two that spoke on the phone too often.

Deanna and I when all was still cute :-)

  I recall thinking, " she doesn't know me at all nor I her" and " I think she would like the person I had become in my old more mature, life experienced age that I was."  Not only that I would probably have more in common with her now than in those teen years when we were so different. I mean lets face it, I was now well beyond borrowing her clothes or jewelry without her permission (which used to drive her crazy)!  All I knew was I wanted to have a relationship with her, I wanted to get to know her as an adult.  She was my family and I wanted more of my family as time marched on.  I have always wanted my children and the children of my siblings to be closer to each other.  I had a bazillion cousins and had so many happy childhood memories with them, I wanted that for our kids.

Long story short, it wasn't until 2008 while we spent a lot of time together at the hospital, during what would be the last days of my Father's life that we finally connected.  We saw in the most difficult of circumstances what the other had become in life.  There was no childhood jealousy, no competition, no trying to measure up or second guess the others intention.  It was pure and simple from the heart, us being who we were in life and with each other. It is what I have since considered my Father's last gift to me, my sister in my life.

I'm sad to say it didn't occur until  we were 52 and 54, yet so thrilled it happened at all. We can never reclaim those years but we can make the most of the time we have moving forward.  I have since learned we actually have a lot in common as far as our beliefs, how we live our lives and what's important to us.  She is after all my older sister so, needless to say she corrects me when I'm wrong in my thinking, or when I am reacting rather that accepting what is. She isn't judging me she is teaching me through what she has learned in her life experiences.  She is a wise woman and I'm glad she loves me enough to do so. I hope I have done the same for her in some way.

The greatest joy of having this relationship is that  I have access to her perfect little grand child Ruby. Ruby, who was born the month following the loss of my Dad.  She reminded us we can still have joy in our lives and she continues to do so almost three years later!  She makes my heart smile.....

I hope this sparks a thought in one who might read this, to question yourself as to why you may not have a good relationship with a sibling?  Consider the possibility that the person they were or whom you were back then, may still be the one responsible for a lack of relationship. You aren't those people any more and  you really don't  know the other at all.

As our parents leave us, and our children create their own little families, that is when we are available to draw closer to our siblings and enjoy our time together.  Time we can share the joys of our children and grandchildren, as well as the sadness and troubles we face in our lives with each other.  To share with each other the loss that still overwhelms us at times in regard to our Father, that is big! We are aware the other really gets it, really knows the level of loneliness for him we feel. Too, on the brighter side, be able to discuss with each other  the great memories of him as he brought us from childhood  into the adults we became.

There are no do overs in life, and siblings may not be what we think they should be.  What they are is a product, the sum of the life they have experienced that is different from ours.  Accept that in each other and let old hurts or misunderstandings go.  If you can't do that, you may be missing out on the best of relationships, those that carry us through our elder years.

I'm glad my sister knows now that I am not that young girl that  borrowed took her things with out asking,  I'm glad we share this life with each other,  free of childhood pettiness. Free of what used to be !

This is what echos from my heart today..........