Taking a Break...

My very special friends, last Tuesday I had back surgery (fusion) L4 and L5....back home on Friday...Need to take some time to heal as my sitting time is very limited :-)

Bob is my Nurse :-), I should have some interesting things to write about before long!

I would appreciate any prayers sent my way in regard to healing properly.  Didn't want any of you to think I am ignoring your blogs....I am trying to keep up on reading them.

Thanks for the blog life we share, I love it!!

Hugs!
I suppose Bob too could use some prayers since, I am the patient :-)

Putting it In Capable Hands....

Stress, it can come from simply trying to prepare a dinner without burning something, sitting in traffic to much more complex situations.  Often it comes in some form of insecurity such as, lets say, public speaking....of which I am not  a fan.  In fact, because I'm not a fan is likely why It was suggested that I be the spokesperson/queen of announcements at my church's up coming Women's Retreat... YIKES! A reminder that God has a sense of humor and is willing to use me in a place I don't want to go, a place  that I must rely on Him.  Trust me, I will be doing a lot of relying!

Sometimes our stress turns in to distress, creating major anxiety.  I am a carrier of  this affliction....nothing worse than that horrible feeling of not being able to get deep enough breaths, which when really bad lead to feeling lightheaded. The worst is the feeling that a 100 pound weight is sitting on my chest and my heart starts racing.  The fear that comes with these feelings is very real.

I remember one many nights that I shared a bed with my older sister when my Dad was hospitalized.  On one particular night we had come close to losing him and it was likely the most stress I had ever felt.  I remember having all the symptoms I previously mentioned and I was fearful.  Fearful enough that I wanted her to know my symptoms should I croak right then and there.  I was so relieved once I did, as she replied, oh I have that too, its called (some long a name I can never remember).  It made me relax knowing someone else experienced this, and the good news was that she was still alive!  

The worst part of stress is that while experiencing it, in the midst of it, I'm doubting my faith to a degree. I'm not giving it to God and trusting that, He's got this!  So, I am working on it and it hasn't been a quick or easy process. It takes me focusing on the truth, that it's out of my hands and in very capable ones :-)

A verse I read frequently while my Dad was hospitalized has become my go to verse when I need to get rid of my stress.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;

he delivered me from all my fears.

Those who look to him are radiant;

their faces are never covered with shame.

This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;

he saved him out of all his troubles.

Psalm 34: 4-6

 It's a reminder to me that God is always here to help me, providing me with refuge and strength which leads me to my peace and security.  He will not fail to rescue those who love him......He, is our refuge and our strength in any and every circumstance.

So, we can be confident in the midst of distress.  We need to trust Him, and allow Him to carry the burdens for us.  His desire is for us, His children to be relieved of worry and stress.  It's so simple for me to understand when I think of myself as a child of God.  What he wants for me is not different from what I want for my own children.

Today I believe I will be giving my, distress, to Him. I just have to believe!  This is what echos from my heart to day..........

Accountability, It Makes for The Best Relationships ...

Accountability is not a popular topic of discussion.  We all want to live our lives free to do what we want, when we want and if expected to be accountable....well, with that often comes  feelings of guilt not to mention its not always a comfortable thing to do.

Accountability is about being responsible for our actions even when its hard, and it can be hard.  Our actions rather they be in word or attitude effect others in either a negative or a positive way.  By choosing to be accountable to others it puts a responsibility and motivation on ourselves to live life how we were intended to live it.  Without accountability we are more likely to make poor choices, choices without much if any, thought of the consequence it brings.

Walking through life refusing to be accountable is risky.  Temptations are everywhere that ultimately lead to regret and painful consequences.  Which on the flip side , if we are being accountable and living a transparent life we free ourselves from many of those painful lessons.  I have mentioned before that it took me sometime before I myself realized how important and freeing accountability truly is. It allowed me to remove the chains I carried around my neck and freed another to experience someone actually admitting saying they did wrong and being accountable for doing so. It removed the wall between us.

I myself, do not want relationships in my life that do not require accountability on the other persons part or mine.  I have said for years, my best friends are the friends that will tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.   Friends who are committed to an open and honest relationship, one of accountability.  Often that  may require confronting an area in another person's life that is not healthy or down right sinfully wrong. All done with the purpose of making them stronger and experiencing a more peaceful life, as well as to encourage them in their walk in this  life.

I have a small group Bible study at my home every Thursday night.  Once a week  us gals often share an area we are struggling with in our lives.  It is so freeing to hear someone willing to share an area of their life that they want to change,  because it frees others to want to open up and do the same. A group of women not to proud to discuss their faults or weakness's. Knowing that these women will be praying  about my struggle, brings with it encouragement and a feeling that I will persevere!  We help to keep each other on track, as oppose to allowing another to derail :-)

We likely started out being accountable as children with our parents, eventually to God and then to our playmates, and eventually our spouses.  Then, we in turn were responsible to teach our children the importance of accountability and the results of  a poor choice in the form of a consequence. We do this in hopes that they too will become responsible adults....we owe it to them.

I remember once my oldest son was disrespectful to a  Little League umpire who had successfully made the poorest of all calls throughout the entire game. Now, everything he said to him was true, it was the delivery that lacked respect.  I recall all the parents were very upset with the umpire as well and were possibly thinking, that kid said what was on our minds ! On the drive home I began to explain to my son that regardless of the bad calls made by the umpire, that did not excuse him being disrespectful to him. I explained to him that later in the day he would be making a phone call to the umpire at home and apologizing to him.  He wasn't thrilled with the idea  but that phone call was made and he handled himself perfectly.  I was very proud of him and I believe he felt better about him self as well.  The lesson wasn't what was said, it was in the way it was said.  An example of accountability that was uncomfortable for him to do, yet afterword he knew he did the right thing.

The one person we are all going to have to be accountable to one day is God.

All mankind will face Him at the judgment.

Rev. 20:11-15

I personally am a Christian and I am responsible to God for how I live my life presently.  I too will stand before Him and have to give an  account for myself and the choices I am making everyday. With that, will come my judgment, not in condemnation, but in my rewards or loss of them.  I am preparing myself for that day by first, being accountable to Him daily, starting with asking Him to help me make choices that would please Him first.  I fall short everyday, yet I am comforted to know that by being accountable to Him, it helps me to make better choices versus a  poorer choice that may have resulted in very harsh consequences.

We should be doing this with each other, it helps us grow and become stronger, it provides assurance that others have our backs.  My older sister has corrected me a few times in the last couple years in my wrong thinking about a situation.  One, I love that she loves me enough to be honest with me and two, it is in those areas where I have grown the most. Its all good :-)

Personally I am offended by others who do wrong, know they have done wrong and allow their pride to keep them from humbling themselves and being accountable, honest and transparent. They fool no one, and the person that suffers most is them.  It takes so much time and energy to continue to convince others of their "rightness" and its sad that they can't see how freeing  it is to humble oneself into the act of accountability. This is when it is a blessing to have someone around you that loves you enough to point out your wrongness (in a loving way), rather than playing it safe and allowing you to stay in a place that is not pleasing to God and is robbing you of peace and happiness.

I encourage you in every type of relationship you have to remain humble and be accountable when you may have fallen short.  It sends the message to the person on the receiving end that they are important to you, and that they matter to you.  Most importantly I encourage you to surround yourselves with real friends, the ones who love you enough to tell you the truth, even if its not what you want to hear, even though it may be initially painful to receive those truths. It can be life changing if you do so...

If I am your family or friend I want a relationship that is open, honest and transparent. You are  the type of people I choose to have in my life, and they are the relationships I treasure. By being open, and honest with me,  I am then reminded how much you love me :-)

No time like the present to prepare to answer to God one day....a good start is giving to Him the area you failed at or an area you were neglectful in, daily. Life is short, is their someone you need to be accountable to?  Someone you may have hurt or wronged and your tired of carrying that around with you still!  Accountability its freeing both for yourself and  those on the receiving end. One of the greatest things about God, we can start new everyday and I hope you do!

One thing keeps us from accountability, its called, pride. This is what echos from my heart today ......

Aging, me.....

I admit it, I am completely sure that I am aging more than I had previously thought.

My story a quick one....

I have wanted to by a cook book for sometime now (like a year), its called, Williams ~ Sonoma French.  I have plenty of cook books and really didn't think it wise to spend the money on another at this time.  The recipes are those of Diane Rossen Worthington whom I am familiar as I actually own , The Cuisine of California that is hers as well.

Well several days ago I looked up a book someone had mentioned on their blog and while on the Amazon site they reminded me that the cook book I've been wanting is still in my cart :-)  Oh, what the heck, I'm going to order the one so I might as well get that cookbook out of their cart, right?

I have to admit, I was so excited yesterday when it arrived.  I quickly opened it ran my had over the yummy photo on its cover ready to dive in.  But, first things first.  I try to always put my name inside all my books as soon as I get them, so that I did.  Made myself of hot cup of Earl Grey tea and settled down to see just what it was I  might be making soon.  Thirty minutes later or so, I closed the book quite happy with my purchase and into the kitchen I went  to add it to the shelf along of other cook books.

I stack my books according to size so I slipped it in to a couple of spots before I found the one that was just right...yep, I would say it was the perfect fit.  Turns out, I already had the book on my book shelf.....REALLY glad I put my name in it right away as to not  be confused with the one on the shelf owned by someone with the same name as I !

Yes aging me, that is what echos from my heart today....we gotta laugh at this stuff folks!

Sleeping Bag and a Guitar

Saturday morning I was on my way to a day of team building with my fellow Women's Ministry ladies.
I had offered to bring some french bread to have with the chowder my friend that was hosting was making.  I pulled in the parking lot, worried about the time I hurried toward the store.  My pace slowed when I heard the sound of music.  For those who know me well, I love music of just about every genre. It is something I could never imagine my life without.

When I looked up my eyes first saw a sleeping bag very neatly rolled ( I was a Scout, I notice those things) and this gentleman standing next to it playing his guitar.  His eyes slightly closed as if he too were part of his own audience.  A gentle smile rested on his face as though it was put on that way and never changed.  I thought to myself, this man may be without a home, I mean why else the sleeping bag?  I stopped in my tracks pulled out my check book where I thought I had stashed a dollar the day prior.  What I first saw was a ten, I knew without question it was to be given to him, I knew he needed it more than I.




Now I don't generally tell how much money I have given or to who....nothing ruins the act of giving a gift more than a big boast to someone of what you gave.  I tell you because  though I knew I was to give it,  I also heard, are you crazy? You just did the bills and you know you better give the dollar.  I gave with the same faith  that has always taken care of me in the past and reminded myself that God has always and will always meet my needs.

I handed this gentleman the money and said God bless you, which caused him to literally jump for joy, with a smile that was bigger than I thought his thin face could handle.  He said very loudly, "oh my, thank you for such a generous gift, thank you so much!" As I turned to walk away these two large high school football like teens were walking toward him with money in hand.  I knew they had seen him on the way into the store and purposed to bring some money back to this guitar playing gentleman.  They too had the biggest smiles as they heard him thanking me and knowing themselves they were about to add to his joy.

Can I tell you what it meant to me to see this young boys enjoying the act of giving?  It made me think a little better of this world I live in, being reminded there are still good people out there.  I  thought as I shopped, about the extreme joy so little gave this guitar playing man.  I then thought about what he gave me so early on this Saturday morning with his gift of music. As I walked in a parking lot his gift put a smile on my face.  He was touching lives with his music.  I was reminded that despite his current living conditions he had a smile on his face.  What could I possible frown about on any given day?

I arrived at my meeting wanting to share with the gals my early morning experience.  I was still so moved by it I chose not to share it as I didn't want to get emotional.  Fat chance of that not happening if you know me, none the less I chose to forgo the story telling.  I poured myself some coffee, as we all took a seat out on my friends patio with a beautiful breakfast she had prepared for us.  Someone immediately made note of the beautiful view we had on this very warm January morning and how lucky we are to have it.  I took a look around at the five women I was sitting with and again filled with emotion as I told myself how very lucky I am to have women such as these in my life. Yet another smile.....

Saturday evening when I returned home my husband and I  had dinner and watched the movie "The Soloist" quite by accident on this particular day. Its a true story about a very talented man living on the streets who was an accomplished musician and had in fact had dropped out of Julliard due to schizophrenia.  It tells of a reporter who became his friend unintentionally while writing his story.  His name was Nathaniel Ayers and still today is living on the streets of Los Angeles, still playing his cello for those around him to enjoy.  After the show I shared with Bob about my guitar man that morning and how possibly I had stumbled upon my very own Nathaniel and just as in the movie, we brought each other joy that morning.

Sunday morning our Pastor spoke to us about money and how we are to use it.....one way was to use it as a tool to help others.  I'm thinking I was really suppose to be reminded of the responsibility we have in helping others and the complete joy you experience when you do.
This is what echos in my heart today as I am reminded of my guitar playing gentleman..... :-)

Brian Ray Stevens

Brian and big brother Mikey

Brian Ray Stevens, my youngest son,  was born on Sunday January 20th 1980, Super Bowl Sunday !  His Dad and I  could not agree on a name for him, so when the nurse came around asking for names she first went to the woman in the other bed.  I was trying to think of a good name quickly...I felt a little pressure that I had to be ready when they came to me.  (The other new Mom chose Brian) The nurse arrived at my bed and I said that sounds good, his name is Brian......Hmmm, lets see, a middle name?  Easy, I will give him my Fathers name, Ray :-) So that is how he was named..... what can I say, It was just a a nice name I hadn't  thought of using and it seemed to fit him  :-)

 

 Brain didn't care for school at all.  He made his Poppa (my Dad) promise to stop by the playground everyday to see him.  My Dad did just that on his way home to eat lunch. Poppa could be found daily talking to his grandson with a chain link fence between them.  I think he must have thought we were considering leaving him there so Poppa was his mid day assurance we hadn't abandoned him.  He preferred going to the beach everyday or staying home playing black jack, yes at age four! 

Happy near the beach, nothings changed.

With brother and cousins Amanda and Summer

Poetry Night 2nd Grade

Long hair on Brian ?

Brian second from the right .....

The Man he became "-)

Brian was very quite, the TOTAL opposite of his brother Mikey.  I had my next door neighbor watching him before he started school, she was in her late 70's, her name was Julie.  She would tell me he never talked to her throughout the entire day.  He would find a book, hand it to her and climb up on the couch next to her waiting to be read to. He loved Julie and she him, he just wasn't a talker :-)


  Brian used to get so excited at the grocery store when we went down the diaper isle...."bipers!" he would shout out for all to hear, as if they understood his excitement.  I would often find a piece of bologna under his bed, with a bite out of it....Or a block of cheese with a bite of it.  A whole new meaning to, a "bite to eat".

I had to cut all tags out of his shirts, underwear, pants etc.... He would not wear his socks up like boys do, he wanted them folded neatly down like anklets.  He hated when I blew his hair dry before bed.....he was a fan of Cindy Lauper when he was four or five, so I told him if he didn't let me dry his hair he would wake up and his hair would be standing straight up like hers and it would stay that way.  Never another complaint about the hair dryer.


Brian was one of those students that always wanted A's and always got them and perfect attendance was also very important to him.  Brian is a Manager at a local specialty store called  Trader Joe's.  He loves the company and takes his job very seriously. He has a great work ethic that he credits to my Dad, his Poppa.

Brian knows the kind of man my Dad was and he has made many life choices based on what Poppa would have done.  I love that about him, just one of the many things I love about him.  Brian and I have breakfast once a week and I treasure that time with him and find myself looking forward to it every week.

My baby is thirty one today and we had lunch together to celebrate. Next week we will have a family dinner, birthday boys choice of what we have to eat.... Today as I sat across from him at lunch he said many things that made me fill with pride.  He is a good man indeed and I am so happy he came into my life all those years ago on Super Bowl Sunday.  I reminded him he watched his first football game with his Mom, on the day he was born.....
This is what echos from my heart today.....

Sew, Today I Found Some Treasures !

Sewing Box Dad made ...

Today I was sorting through everything that came out of my guest bedroom.  I was deciding what would be going back in it, what would be given away and what to toss.

 I came across the  sewing box that my Father made in the 7th grade, something I of course treasure.  I took a seat on the couch to see what it was I had stored in it.

I came across a church camp photo from the early 70's, lots of young men with long hair and young high school girls with long blond (for the most part) hair parted down the middle....no bangs.  Made me smile thinking of the great times at Cedar Lake Church Camp.

I then pulled out this little sweat shirt that was my Son Mike's (he's soon to be 34).  It looks bigger than it is, it's  only about 11" long.  I thought to myself that I would have to make sure my grandchild (due to arrive in August) whom we are referring to as "taquito" for the time being will one day wear it too.

I'm accenting my guestroom with red....when I pulled out my varsity letter and graduation tassel I thought, I could surely use that big red "R" somewhere in the room.  Probably not.

I went to Redondo High in Redondo Beach CA.... I loved my High School and the four years I spent there.  I was awarded the varsity letter for my three years of keeping football stats for the team.  As I type this I am also reminded that my senior year the Varsity team went 0-9.... :-(
Some very quite bus rides home on the team bus!

My favorite finds were the Valentine cards I had saved.  This one with the little dog on it was the best.  I opened it thinking it was from a classmate in grade school, possibly.  Nope, it read;
 To Deb ~ Love Dad . Oh my, can I tell you how glad I am that I saved this little Valentine.  Tells you how much I loved my Dad, as a grade school kid I made the choice to save it!!  Yep, I'm still smiling ......

This next Valentine was from my youngest son Brian....it really filled my heart to read the front..... I was indeed his first Valentine :-) Such a cute little boy he was...now a good looking young man. Is this getting to mushy????

We can change the mood.
This card is from my son Mike on a Mothers Day.  He crossed out one name and and wrote Bill Clinton :-)  That's my Mike for those of you who don't know his humor. I mean come on, taquito??? On the inside he thanked me for folding his laundry when he came over to do it and for letting him eat here from time to time....those little things  done by a Mom don't go unnoticed..

This one was such a sweet find, and again, sooooo glad I kept it.  This is a kleenex rolled up and tied with a yellow piece of yarn.  I unrolled it to read; I love you Mom, Brian....

Last but not least this collection of my son's baseball pins that I the Mom occasionally wore on a coat to their games..
Think I will turn these over to them so they can share some good team stories with their children someday.










This was not a find but it is a bit of a treasure.  These are the drawers from the dresser in my guest bedroom that Bob is in the process of painting. This was his dresser as a child, yes,  I asked him if that meant it was an antique?
No comment....

Was such a great day full of memories I could touch!

This is what echos from my heart today....