Centered in 2011

So, I'm trying to remember when I became aware, I mean really started to notice, just how self centered so many people have become.  It troubles me how people so "naturally" think of self before anything or anyone, regardless of the type of relationship. That others would come second and  it seems not to matter anymore that second place was our spouses, children, parents, siblings, cousins, parents, friends, acquaintances and the stranger on the street. The norm seems to be "me", "I" or "us"  first and then there is "them", "they", "he" and "she", if there is any of us left to give. SELF.

I don't think of myself as being self centered however, there are of course times I have the thoughts of "self". How could they, he, or she have hurt me in such a way? What about me? So, I do think of me in response to hurt/pain I might feel... followed by  the thought of how and why would they treat another person in such a hurtful way? Hurting another person is not something that sits well with me, and I would not purpose to do so (not to say I never had the gut reaction to do so).  I have indeed hurt others in my lifetime.  If I'm aware I have hurt someone I can't apologize quickly enough....my heart is heavy that I have hurt them in any way or if they ever thought to be intentional. Since I was a child I can tell you, I've had a heart for others. I was never one to hold a grudge, would never intentionally cause someone to hurt. I can easily apologize and have done so even when I may not have felt I had done any wrong, an apology was due...In order to not think of me,  I had to give it as it could help remove a hurt perceived by another as intentional.

 Self centered is,  selfish, that's what it is. I made a a couple of decisions in my younger years that were totally selfish, I made decisions with myself ONLY in mind. I didn't spend much time thinking how my decisions may have hurt another person(s), I was only concerned with what I wanted.  I am not proud of these decisions and I can say immaturity and selfishness had everything to do with them, and that eventually I saw how selfish I was. As ashamed as I was by my selfishness, I was accountable to those involved, I asked and received forgiveness and  I chose to leave that behavior behind!

This doesn't mean there haven't been times it hasn't been about ME since. I don't know how normal it is or if there is even a way to know for sure, but after the loss of my father, other than my Mom's future all I could think of was me, the emptiness in me and the sorrow that had taken over every aspect of my life.  In the months that followed as I carried this pain and sorrow, I couldn't think of much of anything else but how I was feeling.  To wake up daily in disbelief, that the loss was real and the ability to think beyond the moment had left me.

I can't speak for anyone else but I'm guessing it was very much the same for them.  Self, actually caused hurt feelings, and even division in the family after losing Dad. Everyone thinking about self.. We often become selfish without realizing we have. Speaking for myself, in my brokenness I raised my voice at my husband,  and ashamed to say, my Mother who had lost her husband! Saying that I am not proud of this doesn't begin to touch how badly I felt. At times, I couldn't think of anyone but me and how I felt in the moment(s).  I was spending much of my time with my Mom packing up a house full of memories, and found that I was saying whatever I had to say louder, well, it had become my new yet unconscious attempt at releasing the pain that I wanted to leave me. I had great difficulty finding a way to grieve, help pack up their house, get my Mom through a day at a time, moved and unpacked her in a place she did not feel at home....all the while angry we were without him.

I can say in the process I had many, many meltdowns to which she was on the receiving end. I could see in her how lost she was, how sad and scared she was... I felt I had to deal with her hurting,and be their for her which added to my thinking about why all this?... and ....What about me? How do I help with her pain when my own had overtaken me? Self.   I was always sorry, and always apologized to her at the end of each meltdown.  My apologies didn't take away from the wrongness of the action be it unintentional or not, yet it was important for her to know how truly sorry I was. This me, I discovered, this was me in pain. In turn, she understandably had meltdowns of her own, that she too apologized for, saying things that came from her pain and grief. Though we each understood why the other was melting down, the apologies came easily in order to move forward with the "process". We managed to get through it .....sharing our pain and loving each other through lots of forgiveness, when we were thinking of self.

So, there are two examples of "selfish and self centered".  We can make decisions without thinking of how another may be hurt by our choice..selfish. We  can become self centered in circumstances we are in with no intent of hurting another, yet is the result of self first thinking.  Selfish or self centered, I'm so glad I was accountable in both instances, asking forgiveness of those I hurt unintentionally, as a result of thinking of my wants and to those I hurt by thinking of my feelings, when  this pain was running rampant, in fact taking over what was once my family.

My Father, never would he have purposely hurt another person, never would he have held a grudge. He occasionally raised his voice in anger or frustration to another, and in that I learned he was not to proud to say he was sorry.  I believe during our time of grieving  he knew where our anger was stemming from, because he knew what he meant to us.

I doubt there was ever a time he made a decision without thinking of how it might affect others first.... he was many things but he was not selfish. I  always wanted my Dad to be proud of me and oddly enough it has meant increasingly more to me since his passing... I purpose to behave in a way he would remain proud of me. His job as a parent was well done and  I can reflect, mirror what he taught me in how I live my life and how I treat others.  I speak of this often because it is that important to me. The fact he always thought of others first and his heart toward others are how he is remembered by many.  I hope the same to be said of me one day.....

As 2010 was winding down I began to think more and more about thinking less about me and more about others.  I love all the people that are a part of my life as I do those that are not, stranger or acquaintance. I sense in many an abundance of loneliness,emptiness, sadness and pain. Gods greatest commandment, above all others, is that we love one another.  Part of being successful at loving others is taking our thoughts off of ourselves.  Today I read what love is in I Corinthians 13;

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres........and now these three remain; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

In another book I was challenged to, in place of the word "it" in the above scripture, I was to read it and put my name in "its" place. That in itself was pretty enlightening, I hope you will read it yourself using your own name.  So, in trying to think less of me, I hope to be able at some point to say, "it" is a description of me.

For me personally,God being the center of my life is my only chance at me being centered and not, self centered. We can attend a place of worship, we can read our Bibles, we can claim to be a Christian to all the world.  If we aren't living it, if our actions don't reflect it, if we don't walk the talk, we are not doing ourselves or our faith a bit of good. Its important to know, you may fool others but you can't fool God. So be what you say you are... If my focus is on loving others, by putting debi in place of "it" may in fact become a true description of me. All things are possible!

Love is a verb.  This is what echos from my heart today......
 

Christmas with Ruby is Where it all Started.......

Ruby Lu

My Holiday started this year with a trip to my sister Deanna's home about an hour and a half away on Dec. 23rd.  I was transporting my Mom who would be spending Christmas with Deanna.....well, really with Ruby Lu, the blessed Great Granddaughter. Sadly, Ruby is the real reason my Mom and I visit Deanna and Ruby's' Mom (my niece) Amanda Ann.  Seeing Deanna and Amanda is a bonus!

So, upon Ruby's arrival to my sister's home, her Mom, my Mom and myself had a little tea party with some specialty cookies I had ordered from a little place along highway one (remember that?) while on vacation. Just a special time for me as I could just look at sweet little Ruby 24~7... We had a quick little dinner Deanna prepared and then.....I wanted Ruby to open the gifts I brought for her. My family has always opened gifts on Christmas Eve, what's one day I ask?  ( I was spending the night but leaving in the morning)

Santa was bringing Ruby a pink kitchen set so I decided it would be fun to buy her play food and staples for her kitchen. I was so excited watching her open them that I failed to catch it on camera, but trust me, she LOVED it.  At one point she sat legs spread pulling all the food toward her and while looking down at the food said, " I can't believe it".  I said, "Ruby do you like it", to which she look up at me and said "yesssss" and it was very convincing! My heart overflows with Ruby.

My Sister Deanna and Ruby

The next morning my sister twisted my arm asked me to stay and watch Ruby open all her other gifts :-)  A quick phone call home and it was on. It was so much fun watching her so full of excitement, the best part of most Christmas', watching the little ones. She really loved this little plastic harmonica my Mom gave her and proceeded to play as if she'd been playing for years....well, she did!





Glad I stayed yet so sad to leave.  I am still not used to all of my family not being together at Christmas, so much has changed since my Dad died...so much.  I headed home listening to Christmas carols and thinking about the dinner and the evening planned with my husband, son's and daughter in law that evening.

 Wanted to share some of my favorite things I have out for the Christmas Season.......

Son Mike made this manger scene in 2nd grade

My Sweet Uncle Ray made these

Rocking horse collection and friends!

Shelf of old Christmas photos

A place to hang Santa's hat

Snow globes

Jingle Bears I've had since my sons were little.

Reindeer my Dad made :-)

Wreath with Santa

Son Mike proudly displays his Ralphie shirt

 CHRISTMAS EVE

 Every year family tradition we watch A Christmas Story, we love Ralphie.

Brian, Mike and Katie

The Kids opening a very special gift from their Auntie Deanna.......





                                  




                                  CHRISTMAS DAY

Wall hanging son Brian bought me :-)

Christmas morning, Bob makes me breakfast :-)

Breakfast

Tradition was always my Dad for years,  and eventually my Dad and son's made Poppa's french toast for the entire family, as we used to all spend the night at my parents house....yet another change.

Bob Horton watching Horton Hears a Who...

That afternoon we headed to Mike and Kaite's home for some great company and always a great meal.  Katie's parents and siblings, my other son Brian, and Brian and Mike's Dad and step mom Cindie all opened gifts together. Mike and Katie bought us tickets to see Bonnie Raitt in January...the funniest part was this??  I am having back surgery in February and I was shocked when scheduling the surgery when I was told January was booked up??  Turns out they had bought the tickets already so they called the Doctor's office to have them tell me they were booked in January, hence the February date :-)  All enjoyed a nearly perfect day.....but,

                                        IT WAS ABOUT TO GET PERFECT

My daughter in law held up this photo and asked us all who we thought this photo looked like....her or Mike  ?

Baby Due August 1st, 2011  !!!!!!!

 Yes, at last my son has produced a child....angels were singing, I'm sure I heard them.  Tears of joy from the women in the room to say the least.  I was over the moon with happiness....had to start making phone calls immediately, now that was fun!  

So, 2011 is looking to be a very good year.......be prepared to look at a ton of baby photos.  Mike knows how much I love my great niece Ruby and how long I have waited for this news....his words to me after hearing the news...."bye bye Ruby".... 

:-)  Ruby will always be tops with me...well, maybe a hair less than this long awaited baby!   Ruby if your reading this (smile),  Ebby debi will always be crazy about you!

I can't wait for the other grand-kids to meet the newest addition, looks like we will need a new family photo sooner than I thought.

I may or may not have bought some things for the baby today........

This is what Echos from my full heart today......

It Was Suppose to be One Drawer ........

Photo taken by my hubby at Seeley Lake Montana.

Saturday morning after my coffee, I found my way into what used to be my office which has become...well, Santa's storage room and gift wrapping center. I sat down at my desk and opened a drawer to get a  fresh check register and there it was, the black hole!  It didn't start out this way, I wouldn't set up a drawer to look like this... I have this thing for organization....or so I thought. How does this happen before my eyes, I was thinking as I began to take everything out.  I intended to weed out the junk and put what remained back in a picture perfect fashion.

The first file was recipes I have yet to scan onto the computer, the second was decorating ideas, the third flowers/gardening tips.  I found that over time I was just stuffing this, that and the other thing in one of these files knowing I would one day have a day like this Saturday resulted in. Yep, it was the day I would dive into this black hole, that at one time was a drawer, and straighten out the mess.

Among other items, I found approximately seven different sizes, colors, and types of writing tablets.  These need to get used prior to ever buying another, I proudly announced to myself.  I decided to move these tablets into the antique desk in my den where I now keep my Granddaughter's coloring books and crayons.  They always want paper for something so it made sense to keep it all together for them. Of course I had to open the big long drawer to put the paper in the desk.....which led to.... cleaning out another desk!  I proudly tell you, I ended up with, between the two desks, shredding a ton of papers and filling up a tall kitchen trash bag full of "why am I keeping that?" kinda stuff.

This caused me to think back on having to go through and pack up my parents house along with my older sister......both saying to each other at various times, "why would this have been kept?", why so many ____?"  So it began, I purposed to go through the house a drawer at a time if need be and start getting rid of "stuff".  I do not want my children to have to make the choice of, toss, sell, keep and if so, where do we keep it? ... I decided to put all my paperwork in well labeled files, which led to taking a magazine to the living room where the magazine rack is.....which to my surprise (?) I realized I had way to many magazines collecting dust, and ended up going through approximately twenty magazines in order to have "less".... less is indeed more, I'm realizing as I age.

In going through the magazines, I tore out pages of gardening ideas, recipes, decorating, books, movies and craft ideas? Did the word craft just exit my mouth?  I am not, nor have I ever been what I would call crafty......and then it occurred to me, how would I know this?  When I had a daycare out of my home I did crafts with the kids, but really, how difficult is macaroni art? My son's and I made ghosts out of kleenex for Halloween that we then  hung from the ceiling with white thread and thumb tacks, did that count?  Not to boast but I can make several things out of the card board that is left behind when the toilet paper is gone! Then it hit me, wait a minute, in the last year I have put together some rather impressive flower arrangements for my dinning room table....maybe I could be a crafty person and not know it?

  I'm not one to draw attention to myself with an accomplishment or in doing something for another.  I am more comfortable accomplishing and serving quietly, if it gets noticed it wasn't my intention. That said, I do intend to find out if I can indeed be "crafty", and I intend to be optimistic about this venture!  I promise not to expose you to every craft I attempt :-)......that can be as painful as having to politely watch someone else's entire family vacation slide show (done it).... I will likely craft, quietly.... giving you maybe an occasional glimpse of an attempt :-) 

My friend Judy from PA.,  occasionally shares some of her decorating ideas on her blog that I adore!  I love that she shares her creations with us, for what I believe, her sole purpose in doing so is that we too will realize, the smallest things can make a home comfy, a place were we want to spend our time, all the while bringing us some joy in our day to day life...all as a result of her creations. I have learned many things from her, but mostly about how a wise woman lives her life! Many thanks my friend.........

So, my desk(s) are cleaned out, the magazines have been thinned out, who knows what's next as far as my creating less continues.  I have been slowly gathering some items for the redecorating of my guest room, which I am so excited about starting....I even have a couple of Easter craft ideas in mind, me!  I'm looking forward to diving in, unafraid.  One has to get in the water if one wants to swim, right? 

Don't get me wrong......I'm not yet planning to have a craft room, but I am going to give crafting a go. In the meantime I am going to make more space and provide a comfortable place for my guests to lay their heads. Hopefully my guests will be able to imagine they are somewhere other than in my spare bedroom, that's the end result I'm looking for.  :-)

This weekend I've realized many things, but what stands out is, I hope to never again say I can't when I haven't yet really tried! Yet another lesson learned late in life, but learned none the less!  ~ This is what echos from my heart today......

December 6th ~

Today is the day of my Father's birth. 

Poppa with all of his Grandchildren

  The only thing my father ever asked of me was to quit smoking.  I figured if I quit on his birthday it would be my gift to him.....and we can't take back a gift we have given. Smart huh? Today is three years and yes I will be counting :-)

I miss him as much today as any day. I am forever grateful God chose him to parent me.Teaching morals, values, and the importance of honesty and work ethic that are forever with me. He loved me unconditionally. I try and live everyday exhibiting behavior and demonstrating love that would make him proud and give him reason to smile.

Looking forward to the day I can run to him and once again  receive some Poppa hugs, there is nothing  like one of his hugs.........this is what echos from my heart today.....and everyday.

Happy Birthday Poppa!

A Long Year of Firsts ahead.....

Allan Walker was  a young man who worked for my Father at the Redondo Beach City School District. My Father taught Allen many things in regard to maintaining the schools in our City as well as possibly, some life lessons.  They were partners for many years, sharing the same work vehicle for many of those years, shared many doughnuts at a local bakery first thing every morning.  I know Allan respected my Father and I know my Father thought of Allan as a Son.  That would explain why I always felt Allan was like an older brother to me.  I loved Allan very much, always enjoyed anytime I spent with him and his wife Myra and their daughter Lori.  Allan always made me feel special,  I new I really mattered to him, he made sure of it.  It didn't hurt that he always chose to talk about how great my Dad was, I'm sure it was very difficult for him when my Dad left us.

Allan on the far left, my Dad in the white shirt. Taken at a retirement party Allan and his wife hosted for my Dad.

 Tuesday afternoon I received the call from Lori that her Father Allan had died suddenly of a heart attack on Monday night. He took a breath, slumped over while seat belted in their vehicle and he was gone.  My heart sank.  My mind was racing, he's too young, this can't be, there was no warning, no time to prepare!  My Dad would have had such a horrible time with this news, just as Allan did with the news of my Dad's death.  I told Lori how sorry I was, that if they need any help with anything to let me know. I told her, I knew what she was  feeling, to which she replied a sorrowful and sure, " I know". All the while knowing, nothing I was saying to her was going to change a thing.  They had entered in to that surreal period that lasted for some time for me after the loss of my Dad.....

How can Myra, Lori and  her son Travis know what likely lies ahead. They can't know that the next year will be a blur to them.  They will cry tears for months and months.  After that they will assume they are starting to return to "normal" only to realize "normal" will never be the same.  Holidays will never be the same, in fact, you will have difficulty with any family gathering as they will bring front and center to their thoughts, he's not here, he's really not here......

As they journey through the first year, they will have to experience the pain of every first holiday with out him.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, his birthday, anniversaries and the most difficult for me, Father's Day.  They will survive, in fact these first days will become their days of release. They will be the days to release those tears they were sure they'd run out of.

It will seem an eternity that their hearts will feel heavy and hollow....sure that life will never be the same.  That  would be correct.  Life will never be the same, but it will start again, they will find joy  in their hearts again.  They will, through the years occasionally find themselves saying, " I can't believe he's not here".

Dad's/husbands, likely the strongest of connections other than our children we have. Dad's, bigger than life they are, the center of the family... in my case anyway.  I haven't a clue the experience that Myra is feeling, the loss of her best and closest friend, father to her child and of course her husband.  I can't imagine how that might feel?

 I just want them to know they will get through this.  They will forever miss his presence, their hearts will never quite be the same.  Yet, for him as well as for themselves, they will continue to live their lives because they will realize....it's what he would have wanted them to do.

Live your life, make it count.  You have just been given the greatest heads up ever, life is so short, and can be taken in an instant.  Let those you love know you love them now and often!  Yes, through this most difficult experience you will become so aware of life......and yes, the loss of it.

It's different for everyone I'm sure, God and His Word got me through.  So though its different for each  I believe our hearts feel the same pain, and our eyes cry the same tears.. Allan Walker, I'm so glad you were a part of my family and you will be missed. This is what echos from my heart today.......

As an aside; I wrote this blog Saturday evening, planning to post it on Monday.  This morning, Sunday, Pastor Chico spoke about the many who have lost loved ones this year and of the year of firsts they will experience.  Two things I have to say about that; One, I didn't steal his message :-) and two a reminder that I don't believe  in coincidence,  the topic was obviously meant to by heard by many :-)  So why wait till Monday to post?

A Step Ahead ....

How is it possible that I will be basting a turkey in just a week and four days?  Think I will make a point to go and buy all I need this week, less the turkey.  I'm thinking it will be one less thing to worry about in preparing for the day and I like the sound of that, a step ahead.

My thoughts naturally jump ahead to Christmas, which I know is going to be here about the time Thanksgiving dishes are done. This year I am fulfilling a desire I have always had, yet has gone unfulfilled, a picture of my family on our Christmas card!  I really wanted to do so when my sons were little but of course that was never an expense I could have justified.  Well, I ordered them, received them and will be addressing envelopes this week.  Those cards will be in the mail December 1st, yes another step ahead !

I have been purchasing a few small gifts throughout the year, and Saturday I purchased a few books that are gifts as well.  This year is going to be very simple in the gift department, as thoughtful as ever just the same.  This is the first Christmas I have looked forward to since losing my Dad. I am determined that this holiday season my focus will not be about who I don't have (Dad) but of who I do have.  I want to spend the time enjoying my family, making our moments together count.  Of course I will think of Dad, as well as  be mindful of the reason for the season, the birth of our Savior in a more powerful way than ever before.  I have grown so much in my spiritual life, which of course is the reason for my happiness returning in regard to the holiday season. All this because I chose to be a step ahead, I'm ready!

My goal is I will be ready for Christmas decorating on or around Dec. 1st, and, done shopping. Yep, a step ahead. My intention is to have my Christmas music filling the house, while I simply enjoy the decorations, anxiously wait for the mail to be delivered daily (the only time of year that happens).  The excitement of opening Christmas cards from the people I love, a little something that tells me I was thought of.

Planning, the actual making of the decision to purpose to be a step ahead, really does bring me a feeling of calm in this crazy fast paced world.  I've been thinking  a lot the last several months of making sure I am ready in my spiritual life as well.  I am mindful that the more I grow in my walk with God, the easier it will be for me to weather any storm that may come my way.  Whatever the world throws at me, I will be ready, prepared, and with the assurance I will survive no matter the size of the mountain that needs climbing. 

While I am mindful not to attempt to get ahead of God, the idea of being a step ahead in the details of life helps me to feel ready for anything, less the anxiety that comes with not being prepared. Now if I could only get to the gym everyday...a step ahead of next summers bathing suit!  This is what echos from my heart today......

The Sub-Total ~

On Friday  I was asked to attend a get together at my friend Debbie's clubhouse.  Debbie teaches English as a second language at a local Jr. College. Several of her students were there along with eight or so of Debbie's American friends, myself included. Approximately eight tables were set up in a very large circle, with an American seated at each.  The idea was these students would, in 8 min. increments, move clockwise around the room, table to table with a list of questions they wanted to ask us Americans.  They were told in advance that they could ask anything of us. The students were from, China, Japan, Vietnam, Belgium, and Thailand a wonderful mix!

My Friend Debbie and I :-)

Two students at a time would be at my table for eight minutes for a total of nearly an hour, nervously asking me their questions.  The questions asked ranged from, what do you do and do you like it, if not why? Have I ever been to their country and what if anything do I know about their country. A highlight for me was the question, "what was your most embarrassing moment?"  I shared with the two young women at my table that my most embarrassing moment, was without a doubt, in my early 20's while on an airplane. I was using the restroom and imagine my surprise when in walked the Pilot. What could I do but give a smile and a polite wave? Yes, I had failed to lock that door! I love a man in uniform but under different circumstances, never would  I would have imagined it like that.  These two students (China and Japan) were mortified, in fact surprised I could even speak of it! They giggled and told me how life changing that would have been for them. :-)  Further into our 8 minute question and answer period they asked if I have ever been to another country.  I replied, " sadly no because I no longer like to fly".  They started laughing and said,"oh" as they smiled and waved...in reference to my earlier mentioned experience.  Too cute, they felt the incident with the handsome man in uniform was my reason to no longer fly :-)  As if!

The most popular question was how old my children were and do they live at home?  I told them my son's ages and explained though they live near by and no longer at home that I would love them to still be living with Mom :-)  Both a girl, a boy from China and a young man from Vietnam all shared with me that they live at home much longer in their countries, as having the family all together is so important to them. However a young girl from Japan seemed happy to no longer live at home and explained that wasn't as important in her country.  A young man from China said, "you are like my Mom, she loves me so much she wants me living with her at home". "You made me miss my Mom". I smiled feeling bad that he missed her so and asked, "how long have you been gone from home?'   He replied, "three days".  How sweet is that? Poor young man is going to really find out what homesick is as he continues his schooling here in the states.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time with these students.  At the end of our time we all posed for a group photo,a photo to capture our time spent on this beautiful November day.  As I began to leave I turned and said another good bye.  My young man from China said, "thank you for the Mom thing".   Of course I knew what needed to be done, I replied, "let me just give you a Mom hug", and we did :-)

I went home and in the quite time I purposed to have, started thinking about how most American children can't wait to move out and begin there newest phase of independence.  Though I don't see it as wrong, I am none the less glad my sons stayed a few years past eighteen. I wondered what the rush is for us to be on our own. To become responsible for everything, not just the cleaning our bedroom and taking out the trash, but everything! I suspect it may be different if we knew back then that there will be plenty of years later in life without opportunity to spend together as a family, but, we don't.

I am happy our children are on their own and experiencing much of what we all have experienced on our own.  As a parent it is often difficult to watch them struggle, or to know they are ill and or not be there to save the day :-) On the other hand,  I'm also very much enjoying life with my husband in a totally different form of companionship than when the kids were still here.  It's like getting to know each other in a different way and not having to split our time at home amongst the children on a daily basis....now just amongst the two of us.

I enjoy the quite, and practice while in that quite, listening to God, really listening. I feel the nudge to do or not do something. I sense when I should reach out to another with a need , when I might otherwise have missed that opportunity to do so. Also in that quite time I reflect.  Reflect on where I've been, how I've changed, and most importantly, how through my trials I've learned.

I can at any time (and often do) pull out a photo album and feel that I have not just my family and extended family, but all that have played a part in my life in some way or another, right here with me because of that photo I hold in my hands.  A photo can bring me to a place that I can actually feel what I felt that very day that particular memory was made. A photo can bring my family all together again in the turn of a page.  I suspect, as I glance around, its the reason behind the many, many framed photographs on display in every room of my home. A photo can help me to remember, all those memories that when added up become the sub-total of me, thus far.

I intend to spend more time, being still and knowing He is God.  I suspect in that time I will be reminded of events in my life He has carried me through, occasionally unaware of Him doing so.  I will be reminded of many who have touched my life in powerful ways, most totally unaware of their impact on me. Most importantly I will be reminded that because He is God and He releases my future a moment at a time, there is no need for me to worry about tomorrow. Why worry about a time He hasn't released to me yet....

I'm so thankful for my time with the exchange students. They likely don't realize that this experience with them has made me even more aware of my family and the importance of each moment I have with them in my life.  Moments that add up to the sub-total of me.  This is what echos from my heart today.....