Jeane' is a young Momma of 6, not a typo, 6. I am a big fan of her Mother's blog which is how I found Jeane'... I hope you love her blog as much as I do. How I wish I had a Jeane' to follow when my boys were little. I've included her blog address should you choose to follow her. Thanks to Jeane' for allowing me to share!
http://thecoffeecottage.blogspot.com/
Enjoy the read!!
For When There Are Hard Times in the Mother Hood
The
morning you locked yourself in the powder bathroom because you could not
trust your self-control to trump your anger at the raging child you
love but really, really can't stand right now. You feel guilt as
you feel vindication at the thought of dropping their angry self off at
the side of the road and driving away....
The
moment when you said "shut up" under your breath after their rage passed
and they heard you and cried. You couldn't believe what a dark person
you are to have let this slip and then seep into their heart. What a
heel of a mom.
The
time you fantasized about asking to borrow the rose colored glasses of
the older lady at Target who told you to "enjoy these days" after your
hour long struggle to keep your little beggars from springing out of the
red cart so that you could throw them on the ground, crush them with
your sneakered foot and hand them back to the nice woman while saying,
"I think you forgot what life really looks like right now".
The
hour after your good man came home from a trip with you expecting him to
patiently take over the deafening circus and he lost his cool in the
chaos and he isn't able to make the transition seamlessly. OR he comes
home and all the rascallions suddenly turn into little obedient darlings
and their father turn's into Mister Rodgers, beloved and adored. What
the heck? Either way, you're peeved and he can't win.
Or
maybe it's one of the many times you find yourself around other
families, whose children listen the first time, don't throw food across
the table and generally act like the civilized offspring of successful
parents who have parented well. You try to interact and pretend your
children do not need to be reigned in, but every five minutes you dart
out of the conversational circle because it IS your monkey and it IS
your circus, darn it! And you realize that maybe a total revamp of the
training program you've been using is in dire need.
Every
scenario is different, because none of us or our landscapes look exactly
the same. Yet there are seasons in the Mother Hood when, if we choose
to be honest, the inside of our tent looks eerily the same. I am here
today without a shred of parenting advice because when you're knee deep
in monkey crap, you really just don't want that before feeling
understood. Here are three simple tools for survival I've found for when
hard times set in:
1. You, specifically, were given this child/children on purpose.
You
weren't a random choice. God doesn't have His fingers crossed, hoping he
made a decent pairing. You've GOT THIS because He made you strong
enough to handle the hard. Do not force yourself to be someone else. Ask
God to break your vices and help hone the virtues. It likely will be a
messy and unflattering process, but anything worthwhile usually is. And
let your children know that you know you aren't perfect. Ask for
forgiveness when needed and claim your loving, imperfect, God-inspired
authority the rest of the time. The childhood your children are living
are the only ones they know. I know I often project my insecurities
about my inability to spend one-on-one time on them (each mother has her
own worries), but they only know what they know, and they know they are
loved by an imperfect mother. Trust God in all of this. He's got your
back.
2. Be honest.
Several
weeks ago, sitting in the waiting room of the play therapist I am
taking one of my children to, I met the mama of another child who was
there. We introduced ourselves and in no time, we couldn't talk fast
enough, comparing notes of what we were dealing with. I realized more
than anyone, I needed the therapy ...and her ability to absolutely
relate with me was exactly what I needed. Neither of us gave advice or
pretended to have nice, neat answers. But I am quite sure we both walked
out of there feeling understood, with our frustrations eased by being
validated. I haven't seen or talked with her since, but it was the shot
of encouragement I needed right at that moment and thanked God for it. I
also thank him for the close friends I can text/call in the moments
when I feel I'm at the Crazy Train station, ready to be picked up and
carried away forever. They let me say bad things and know 75% of it I do
not mean. They don't try and give advice. They are simply there. And
when you have that safety net, you cling to it and you return the favor
as much as you possibly can. If you do not have this, make it your
fervent prayer that God brings it to you. Friends and strangers who
listen and understand are God's tangible hugs...but in order to receive
them, one must be willing to be honest.
3. Breathe.
I
know. This is pretty basic, but when I am stressed, I forget to breathe
in deeply. Half the time, my shoulders are tensed up, hovering around my
ears and at the sound of hidden candy wrappers being fondled in the
pantry or the refrigerator door being opened for the twentieth time
after I've given out plenty of snacks. Remembering (which I rarely do)
to stop and take a few deep breaths helps me take pause. I know it's not
always possible when you have really small children to lock yourself in
your room or bathroom, but if you can (cribs! pack and plays! let them
cry!), give yourself a time-out and just breath. Maybe sniff some
lavendar or peppermint...or roll around in a vat of it.
Just don't forget to come for some air.
Somehow how, it helps.
As you
can see, this is not a blog of ground-breaking answers, mainly because
the author is still in the trenches herself. Besides, empathy is far
weightier currency than answers when it comes to getting through hard
times in the hood.
One more thing. Feel free to borrow and repeat my mantra as often as you need to:
With love,
Wise, authentic Momma's who share, it's what echos from my heart today......